Unaccomplished

Crash! blag! rolling wheels, flashes of random memories, broken windows, screams outside, blood splurging, worst thing- death.

I died in a car crash, my driver's speed was 180kph. The moment I remember was I was outside my body. I saw my parents and friends screaming and coming to me as my body lied down on the ground. They embraced me, but I was embracing them and telling them, "I'm still here! Can you hear and feel me?" But they continued wailing. They said, "Why did you leave us? Hold on, please!" Those words smacked me down- how dare them say those words-when I can still see them? Their movement became blurred. I can sense myself losing control. Am I dreaming? I felt again, the pain especially when the broken window hit my head and my face- but now it's vanishing, I'm lost. I can see the tunnel, is this where the souls taken, especially when they die. Oh, I'm dead now. I don't want to enter it yet- still unaccomplished. I'll stay here. I'll stay until I'm ready to let go. Until, they're ready to let me go.

What the souls need are prayers. Prayers that can lead them into a peaceful paradise. Prayers that can unbind their chains into their earthly attachments. Let's pause for a moment and say a prayer or light a candle for the souls of our departed loved ones.

Aisle Take the Chance

Lizzie's eyes shine as she saw the bride walking on the aisle. She's coordinating a wedding from an unknown client. She had a sleepless night as she planned everything to make the wedding memorable, thinking of complimenting flowers on the aisle up to her wonderful gown. The glitz on Lizzie's eyes was captured by a man beside her. Andrew, who saw how she worked hard for this glamorous event, is amazed by her diligence. He picked a flower, looked at Lizzie's smiling face and asked her, "Do you want to have that kind of wedding, too?" She uttered, "Yes, of course."

Andrew finally got the courage to ask her that question and Lizzie looked at the aisle again. Andrew took a photo of her and he said to himself, "Tonight is his night." He'll take the chance into asking her for a dinner and tell her what he'd been keeping for so long.

Lizzie went upstairs to check the whole scene downstairs. She secretly looks at the flower that Andrew gave her. She'd wanted to get it also from him 7 years ago. But he never did. The years in between made her busy into her business and social gatherings. Never did she enter into any flings. She asks herself blushingly, "Is this the perfect time?"

A click from a distant took a moment again-captured were her dreams surrounding the church's stunning look.

Awakening

I went home late at night, then suddenly I saw him outside our house. Just standing and looking from afar. He’s quiet. When he saw me, he faced me and I saw his eyes of regret. I just looked at him. There was a control to neither embrace him nor hold him. There was a distance; the air of stiffness to both of us surrounded us. I stared at him, read, and observed him. I was not thinking of myself but of him. I took my place into his. And it’s hard. I can’t believe how hard it is especially when he told me, “I’m dying soon, Kamile. I got this disease unexpectedly when I slept with another man last year. I didn’t know that he acquired AIDS before.” I wanted to scream into his face but instead, I went with him to see a doctor. “How could this man who inspired me got that illness?” I asked myself. He was just even busy in feeding kids, teaching them passionately and I didn’t know his untold story.

 Does knowing he’ll die soon make me apathetic?

Then he cried in front of me. I went closely as he was repressing his tears. He runaway swiftly then the darkness covered the street until I heard his deep wail. A wail that awakens my senses.

Princess in you

You meet him again and he said, “Hi!” You can’t help but wander how this simple word blew you away. Will you fall inlove again with him again? Or just let the course of the wind take you into a person whose really meant for you? But take note, he’s not doing anything nor showing his outright intention. He just said, "Hi!"

You gathered up your courage and said to yourself, “This time, I’ll be more careful. Don’t let the sweet words sway me in my own fairytale.”

And now, that you’re stronger and wiser- you can differentiate your yesteryears YOU.

 You know that your hair had grow longer, the sway of your hips had become refiner; Your words and thoughts had become more sensible. Mark of the age that you’ve grown up the way you’re plan to be. You return what was gone, such as your dignity and dreams. But hey! You paused for a moment,you’ve noticed that you’re still listening to the same songs you’re listening to when you’re still inlove with him. It just transports you into the world- that you could be with him again.

But the truth is you’ve gone a little far away from him. Expect some hang-ups to remain. Let time and experiences help you to vanish it. No need to put everything into your hand. Maybe, God is done with sophisticating your physical aspect- because it’s one at a time. He asked you to remain physically beautiful. Because that’s what you’re made- to be beautiful. Check your hair, your posture, your walk, and your smile-breathe and say, "I'm beautiful."

As you stroll along the road of free will-after your physical changes, the hardest part to alter is your emotions. Because, you can’t see it- only God does. It’s just that you feel it and name it sometimes. Emotions returns you into your old ways, into an old you-your comfort zone. Your hair can be easily comb, but your tangled emotions need more care and attention. Your posture can be straigthened, but your road leading to a total freedom will need you to take turns into different seasons. Your words can be adjust into “I’m ok.” But you’re your heart will say, “I’m not over him yet.” Your smile can be misleading, because you're still in pain.

But that’s how moving on works. You have to feel the worst feelings you don’t want to feel. You want to be refined, right? The most expensive diamond went into heating and fire.

Let it be. Don’t be scared with the process. Let God hold your crown in the end, and put into into your head- as you hold the faith of your triumph.

But you have to be in the now. Do the basic things that makes you alive.

He told you to take it easy. It takes an obedient heart to do it. He’s glad because you said, ‘Yes.” When you’re asked to leave him. And be God's princess, first.:)

His road

Naniniwala ako sa salitang, ‘Hinay-hinay’ lang. Yung mga pangarap natin-andyan lang sila. Di sila mawawala. Nasa isip at puso lang natin ang mga plano natin, kailangang gisingin sa oras na kailangang-kailangan na. Minsan kasi pag masyadong mahal natin yung pangarap natin-nakakasakal din. Kailangan din lumaya ng mga pangarap natin, kasi in some point marami o may mga ilan-ilang tao din ang nangarap non. Di ibig sabihin non pakakawalan natin yung buong pangarap natin. Sabi nga ni Bro. Bo Sanchez, “Let go of your attachment of your dreams. Let God’s version of your dreams manifest.”

The more I realized that life is fruitful and awesome-the more I want to let go of unneccessary baggages. Minsan kasi isa rin akong garbage collector- I mean, self-absorbed at Sponge-thins ng ibang tao din. Kahinaan ko yun noon (at alam kong di pa ganap na maayos yun sa kin hanggang ngayon, kaya unti-unti lang ang pag-babago). Ang tunay na pag-babago ay matagal na proseso.

Ang kagandahan lang namin sa kin ay, I take His Road. Alam kong di ako maliligaw. Yun na yun. Alam kong mas masunurin na ko ngayon. Siguro yun ang pinaka-magandang regalo mabibigay ko sa Kanya. Minahal nya ko’t binago, dahil don nais kong suklian Sya ng buong pagmamahal din.:)

Sabi nga ng kanta, "Love is the answer." Do everything out of it.;)

Christmas Greeting cards

Little girl at the limelight

Stage is made for something great. I mean all the performers, speakers and any honorable people would step on it and it wil be their ground as they show their crafts to the audience.

What about if you’d see a child there, will it also bring you awe?

Last Sunday, The Feast entered into a new series which named ‘Happytudes.’ After Bro. Bo’s talk, people from the stage threw the balls in various colors with a different blessings (love, compassion,success,joy,etc.) written on it to the attendees and servants. Some people were rushing in front because those are ‘implied’ blessings, and I hurriedly catch it, too.

When I stepped nearby the stage, I saw one cute girl sitting on the stage with other kids and holding 6 spheres of blessings. She was so naïve and innocent that she was even giving hers to people in front of her. (I was even tempted to ask her one, even if I already got two- greedy me!hehe) In just a snap- hers was gone. She wasn’t holding anything else except for a sense of wonder, ‘Where are my spheres?’

I pitied her so what I did was I got and carried her from the stage. I was glad that she let me  cradle her a little, then I put her down on the floor. Another boy passed by and I assumed that it was her brother because he gave her one ball for getting two.

It was delightful to observe. Because the girl painted a grin on her face. I can’t help to share that cute story even after the session to those who’d listen.

I was reminded that when you give away something precious, the return will be something great,too.

For the little girl who loss her 6 blessings, she still gained 1 abundant love from his big brother and that will make sense once they grow up.;)

Beauty of God's dreams

I picture myself as the years go by. What can I see? What are the dreams before that are unfolding in front of me? Not just in front of me-but around me. Maybe, I would have mixed emotions. I would want to hold of the hands of people who inspire me and tell them how grateful I am.

I don’t know yet that in such years that I keep on planting- harvesting time will happen. I don’t know however that dreams can save me- AND IT STARTS WITH MY POWERFUL BELIEFS ABOUT ‘I.’

How many times did I tell myself to WAIT? Yes, waiting for the right time that blessings will chase after me. Honestly, I love the fact that I’m planting, coz it flexes my muscles, it expands my horizon, and it even sharpen my skills.

I feel rejuvenated now. I mean is this the new life- He’s pertaining too? I’ve been bothered for few years- and now:

‘There's hope it doesn't cost a thing to smile.

You don't have to pay to laugh.
You better thank God for that.’ – Indie Arie

How would I write something that I could express the depth of my heart? Maybe, I could introduce myself as, ‘Hi, I’m Thina - God's daughter. I’m glad to be part of a great plan- YES, just a part, and all it asks of me is my involvement in building a better world. Obviously, the visionary leaders that we have are praying for people who would outstand, let loose their inner creativity and put in into action.

Fire in faith.

Right mentors.

Humble heart.

Openness.

BIG LOVE.

Supportive friends.

Talents and potentials.

Guts and glory.

Pain and sacrifice.

Great dreams.

Abundance.

I’ve been writing since I was a child. Most all the secrets of my heart are written on my diary. Then, I had 8 diaries and journals now. I decided to take Mass Communications- not because I want to become a writer, but actually a performer. Wow! Isn’t confusing? No. I believe that my core group is more on COMMUNICATIONS. I disregarded some of my other dreams before like becoming a lawyer or psychologist. Now, I'm committed on the original calling- WRITING. But when I’m not writing, I’m teaching and if not, I’m singing and if not, I’m connecting and talking or I’m reading. So, call me multi-talented? Yes, I am. And I’m thankful for that. God loves me that when he bestows such blessings- I was awake and embraced it.

And, I don’t want to waste it. I know, I’m walking and working it out. I trust my Lord in my heart as he whispers in my heart what I should do, what I should need.

Last Saturday- I went to Jesus encounter. I remembered accepting Him in the Youth camp, 5 years ago and I'm going to do it again. I know I lost His Spirit in the years in between- Spirit of worry, fear and laziness sometimes reigned in my heart. I have to regain what was lost.

During the conversion part, receiving of Holy Spirit and anointing of oil.

The room was filled with the Holy Spirit. I was melted. My knees were trembling. The poundings of my heart sound like a drum rolling. (I even wanted to say- give me more beat yoh!)

Jesus Christ embraced my heart tightly. He spoke into my heart as he said, ‘Your sacrifices are great. You suffer because of love- love for yourself, for your family, for your friends, for your community.’

'Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.' (John 15:13)

I cried in the depths of my heart. Offering all my sacrifices into His hands because I knew, he was there to redeem me.

The worship and prayer continued- Maybe a Godly and gifted painter can paint the beauty of the place. I remembered saying, ‘Use me as your will be done.’

I’m so grateful with the outcome of my surrendering, because He’s in me. Before, it’s easy to say 'Yes' to sin. But now, I declare that I’ll continue to 'sin no more.' 

His dream to see me accepting Him again, fin'lly came true. I'm like an empty vessel ready to be filled with His unfailing love and grace.

May all my dreams come true- this is also the prayer of every prayerful people in the Feast, including Bro. Bo Sanchez. I’m glad I’m serving in Media Ministry. I’m thankful for the inspiring people at The Feast. I’m happy because JESUS LIVES EVERYWHERE- waiting to be accepted and become a friend and brother.

He is all I need.

The lost and found wedding ring

Every couple has their own love story. But with Jun and Shiela Flores, whose been married for 17 years- their story speaks clearly about reconciliation and forgiveness.

In the year, 1991, Jun met Shiela in a canteen in Pangasinan. Shiela was just a newly Pharmacist graduate, yet she managed their family’s canteen at the age of 21 years old. During that time, Jun was a 25-year old agent, normally eats at that canteen, with his friends. Prior to that, he already heard a beautiful cashier who works there. His curiosity grew and he had proven himself that Shiela was indeed beautiful.

On the otherhand, she was accomadating to every customer there and one of them was Jun. There were moments when they would talk about anything. Since, he was involved in a Faith community, he’d often share his faith to Shiela and she’d listen to him. Eventually, though there were struggles along knowing each other, they fell inlove.

As he pursued her, he needed to end his relationship with his current girlfriend. After a week of his breakup, he invited Shiela in one of the beautiful beaches in Solo. Jun assured her of the sincerity of his intentions, though there was fear in Shiela’s heart as she was nursing her broken heart from a previous relationship, too- both compromised to enter in a relationship.

Their 4 year relationship wasn’t smooth after all. When Jun transferred into another province, they decided to have a weekend and long distance relationship. They put their efforts to work out that way, until they decided to get married in the year, 1994.

As a newly wed couple, they were clueless about marriage. Jun kept on working, while Shiela decided to quit on her job to become a plain housewife. He already knows some household chores, while she learns it the hard way, since she was pampered as a kid and grown up. 

As the days went by, Shiela became worried about her husband’s nature of work. Since, he’s an agent- he was always outside and giving few hours of his time for his family. After a year of marriage, she gave to their eldest son named, Hans. She settled on becoming a full time mom and after 2 years, she gave birth to a baby girl named, Hana. Problem arised as their Hans often became sick. He was also diagnosed with a febrile convulsion and the hospital became his 2^nd home. Jun doubled his effort in his job to sustain the financial needs of his family. Good thing, Hans remained normal, despite of. However, on the same year when Hana was born- Shiela often turned jealous of her husband’s work and friends. She thought that these were her enemies in receiving his time and attention.

One night, they had an intense argument, out of Shiela’s rage, she forcefully got Jun’s ring from his finger and threw it and got lost nowhere. She told him that it was just a decoration- that their marriage wasn’t working anymore. Jun was surprised with his wife’s revelation and on the first half he reacted on a passive way, but later on he kept grudges to her. The ring that she threw away meant a lot for him, because it was his mother’s gift to them before their wedding. He thought that she disrespected his mom and their vows to each other.

As a result, there were days when she won’t meet his standards in housekeeping and he would verbally abuse her. Their marriage was on the rocks.

He decided to bore himself into sports especially in tennis. He became addict on it and he’d often buy tennis’ paraphernalia’s. He focused his hatred on sports. He also had a secret fear of dying early, because his father died at the age of 58. And Shiela didn’t know all his deep fears and frustrations.

On the year 2003, Jun attended The Feast in Camp Aguinaldo. He invited Shiela to attend and she agreed. They both realized that they forgot the Lord. They weekly attended the Feast to restore what was lost. But oftentimes, they failed. They would see themselves returning to their old ways and backsliding. Jun struggled to fight for his anger to his wife- whenever he sees a couple wearing a wedding ring.

But they didn’t give up- their family kept on attending the Feast PICC. This year, they decided to attend a couples retreat, in which they encountered so many hurdles before it finally happened. Part of the program was exchanging of letter and gifts. Shiela mulled over the gift, she’d give to her husband until she remembered that 15 years ago, she got his ring, threw it in the air and after the argument, she saw it somewhere and decided to hid it from him. She uttered to herself that it’s time to return what was lost to his beloved. Thus, she excitedly put it into a calling card box together with another gift. She also made a letter for him saying, “Sorry for what she’s done to him.” Meanwhile, Jun was on the plane and pondering too about the letter he’d give to his wife. He made a wonderful poem for her.

They didn’t know that God was moving in intertwining their reconciliation.

A couple retreat was about to happen and the exchanging of letter and gifts finally happened. Shiela gave her gift to Jun, he can’t believe what he saw before his eyes- his long lost wedding ring, tarnished yet still valuable. Maybe, valuable is an understatement. Both of them felt that things were falling into place. God listened to each of their woes. He cried upon receiving the ring. She was oblivious of her husband’s hidden grudges for her, until that day. She lately realized that while she moved on, he hanged on the ring- he hanged on his devoted love for her.

Now, both of them are happy. Jun is serving in Secretariat, while Shiela still discerns if she’ll join Media Ministry or Secretariat also. They devote their time in sharing their love story on their caring group. Their youngest daughter, Hale is part of Awesome ministry. While there 2 siblings are still discerning on what ministry to join. But they believe that they could decide in HIS time. They’re communicating and disclosing everything to each other and they put God first as the center of their relationship.


*Edited story published in Feast Bulletin

Music

 She’s done with her first set of songs. Some were amazed on her performance, though on the other side of the room- there were men yawning and would rather toast a glass of beer. The dimmed light bar became the refuge of  these young professionals puffing their cigarettes, as they talked about their stresses from work. There were some ladies randomly distributed on the room, divulging to each of their girlfriends how their lovers cheated on them.

Mia saw this everytime she looked at her audience. She’s not just only a singer- but an exceptional one. Her music fills the soul of her heartbroken, pressured and lost listeners. It somehow transported them into a reverie of bliss and solitude.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the New beginning band coming up with their 2^nd set.’ The voice over announced.

The lights from the stage were turned on. The audience yelled and cheered for Mia and her band. Then, she started introducing her first song which is dedicated to all hopeless people from the room. The lead guitarist gave his cue, and Mia gave a beautiful rendition of a song wherein she remembered every precious memories she once had. Yes, once had. Her spectators felt it, thus she captured their hearts. Her hands and hips gracefully swayed, and the moving crowd were swaying and clapping for her. Melody dances in her being, spreading to each part of the room.

Then, she realized, how music gives a connection between her and her audience- and a bond between them and their souls.

Some men were interested to know her number. Heartbroken ladies somehow felt empowered. Her music is a wonderful escape.

But when her song stops- the world will still revolve and encountering daily problems will live by, though it doesn’t matter to her as long as she did her part in entertaining the world.