Unaccomplished

Crash! blag! rolling wheels, flashes of random memories, broken windows, screams outside, blood splurging, worst thing- death.

I died in a car crash, my driver's speed was 180kph. The moment I remember was I was outside my body. I saw my parents and friends screaming and coming to me as my body lied down on the ground. They embraced me, but I was embracing them and telling them, "I'm still here! Can you hear and feel me?" But they continued wailing. They said, "Why did you leave us? Hold on, please!" Those words smacked me down- how dare them say those words-when I can still see them? Their movement became blurred. I can sense myself losing control. Am I dreaming? I felt again, the pain especially when the broken window hit my head and my face- but now it's vanishing, I'm lost. I can see the tunnel, is this where the souls taken, especially when they die. Oh, I'm dead now. I don't want to enter it yet- still unaccomplished. I'll stay here. I'll stay until I'm ready to let go. Until, they're ready to let me go.

What the souls need are prayers. Prayers that can lead them into a peaceful paradise. Prayers that can unbind their chains into their earthly attachments. Let's pause for a moment and say a prayer or light a candle for the souls of our departed loved ones.

Still Loved

As Susan Forward says, “There is no contradiction between being a loving, giving woman, taking care of yourself and acting in your own best interests. The most wonderful gift that you can give yourself and any man you become involved with is your sense of self-worth and with it, your expectation of love and good treatment.”

I’ve been single now for almost 7 years. (still holding on for a PERFECT YEAR, but I can let it go if it won't happen.) Sometimes I care much and sometimes not, because I got used to it. (Does it mean, I should be always getting used to it?) Nahh. I know it’ll be scary to get used to it. Of course, I need to get attracted with others too. Well, as of this moment. Noone in particular caught my attention again. Is it because of my traumas in loving someone? Or is it because I just lived in denial for the past few years? Whatever it is.. I’m just living this way, simply because of the TIME THAT I HAVE TO FACE THAT THERE’S NOONE YET. Honestly, I’ve been inlove before with wrong guys. That’s part of the past. Forgiveness works for me and God’s miracle in changing my heart happens in the least I expect.

That’s it. Sometimes my eager sister would want me meet someone or atleast have a date. Yes, I’m open for it. I have to remain open and available so that I could meet him someday.

As far as I remember, I wrote in my journal the negotiable characteristics that I’m looking for a man. I can say, that I’m looking for the best and standard. As my, big brother in the community said. I have to look for someone who’s stronger than me, because I’m already strong. I shouldn’t be trimming down my standards when it comes to looking for a man. Since, this man is very trustworthy and I could find in him what a real man should be. I listened to him. Yes, I love listening to counsels. It saves me. I would be loving to take risks but it should be wisely considered and discerned first.

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. (Proverbs 15:22)

But I have my shared of disappointments, worries, fears and bottled up negativities and with those not gorgeous feelings. I shared it with trusted friends. I maybe very loud and open, but I have my privacy too. I don’t want other people to get worried with me at times. But as they open their ears and hearts to me, I know my heart is taken care of. I’m glad I’m also surrounded with it. One close friend told me that the secret to meeting Right man is to pray hard for him. Because only God knows who’s right and not for you.

"Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. (Matthew 18:19)

If someone would ask me if I’m excited to fall in love again? Here’s my answer: Falling in love is as easy as falling out of love. I want to grow in love to someone whom I would get to know first. Yes, friendship, trust, communication and commitment matters. It’s more on working on a relationship and romance would be just part of it. 

For I know, I’m enjoying life. I just write this for the sake of reminding myself that while I’m enjoying I’m also looking for someone somewhere. I’m readying myself too. I don’t want to look clumsy. Even if sometimes I am. Hehe.. I’ll just stay where I am. Loving where I am. Because he could be probably searching for where I am. And if he’s not in the search for where I am. I’ll be moving forward to the promised land and drink the sweet honey that God has prepared for me. I’ll meet the the Lord anytime and anywhere.

I’m still loved.=)