Monday, November 28, 2011


Serendipity means finding out unexpectedly the things that you don’t sought for. Ok, I had these serendipitous events for the past 2 weekends. First, was last Saturday when I attended the Inner Healing stream from KCON 2011. It’s was so unbelievable but I accepted it’s reality at that moment, when finally I heard a wonderful speaker by the name of Ilsa Reyes talking about Inner treasures, child and forgiveness. I mean the whole talk was superb but it was really a perfect moment for me to feel the tremendous love of God through these anointed people. Before, I prayed to heaven to send me people who could talk about it, and then unpredictably He did. Woah, such an avalanche of blessings from God!

Next one, yesterday I attended an Advent recollection for PICC Feast servants. Guess who’s the speaker? He’s the author of a book Free Love, True Love - Fr. Joel Jason. That book is an enlightening book about finding and working for a true love. He’s a very humorous and light hearted speaker. During his talk, I would always gasped, “ahhhh.” He reopened and reminded me again about the real essence of Christmas.

How can I thank the Lord for His generosity and kindness? I can by just Thanking, accepting and reminding myself that He loves me more than I do for him.
Last one, I saw this handsome man unexpectedly again from the Feast. He is the one whom I unexpectedly gave my warmth smile few months ago (good thing he sent back his because I was just familiarizing him at that time). But I almost forget about him, then I recalled him again yesterday. I’m just glad to see him again. :)

Now, I can confirm that this is the life from glory to glory to glory until eternity! J

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Kerygma Conference 2011 video by Nino Ventura

This is such a glorious and tremendous 3-day Catholic learning event with the Lord
and His people.
Everyone was little by little or some were truly transformed. I'm still running out of words to write how grateful I am for those days! Till next year! Btw, I will still see the same people who are dear to my heart this Sunday.;) More stories to uncover.;)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Documentation of Inner Healing stream (KCON '11)

Inner Healing stream
Talk 1- Healing the wounded heart by Bro. Vic and Ditas Espanol
Bro. Vic and Sis. Ditas said that we all have emotional wounds, pains or limps. We focus on those  “seed events” of our emotional wounds and pains from the past. But the truth there is that God wants to heal our emotional wounds. There’s a bible verse about it which says, “But we all..are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory.” (2 Corinthians 3:18). We also have this emotional echo or sounds that control our lives. It keep us immobilize that causes us fearful. It tells, “What I’m feeling now is what I feel when I was young.” The challenge for us is to silence our emotional echo.  There are 3 emotional echoes such as fear, rejection and hopelessness. People have these tendencies to believe the echoes in our mind, but God doesn’t want us to continue listening to it. If we want to silence our echo, we need to change our beliefs of our painful pasts.
The greatest emotional echo is fear thus we must face our fears and trust God for us to deal with fear. The lie about fear is that we’re all alone. The truth about Fear is we are not alone! No matter what circumstances we have. God is faithful.  We can deal with our fear through: Facing it and trusting God.
Next emotional echo is rejection which means results of an imperfect love.  (Read Luke 8:28-30). What’s important is “Who we are in Jesus Christ.” Jesus is giving us new identity. Acknowledging the rejection, being thankful for the rejection, forgive those who rejected you and surround yourself with people who support you are simple ways to get healed.
 The last emotional echo is helplessness and the lie about it is, “I will never make it.” The truth is God is behind you, speaking your name. Our hope is in our faith for our Risen Christ.
Sis. Ditas also shared on how she went through a bad pregnancy. They turned to God for comfort. She also added that we can deal with helplessness through labeling your feelings, engaging in fun activities and challenge what you’re thinking.
Other verses to ponder upon: Jeremiah 33:6; John 10:10; 1Kings 19: 1-13; John 20: 11-13; John 20: 14-17
Talk 2- Healing the wounded identity by Bro. Earnest Tan
Bro. Earnest said that a wounding in our identity can influence the way we experience the world and distort the way we look at ourselves. Example: when we look at an ugly mirror. He also warned us to be careful with our wounded identity.
There are 3 areas of identity. First is our Self-Image, this is how we perceive our worth when it comes to our appearance- physical and social. It’s either we have a healthy or poor self-image. It’s also how we feel about our looks. He said that our original state is that “We are Special!” These are ways on how to heal and restore our original image, first is to affirm our birthright as God’s children, then reconcile with our limitations and lastly, accept and embrace our givens. We must believe that we are beautiful and we must be ourselves. He also shared his experience on how it was for him to build his self-image because he’s half-Filipino and Chinese. But he wants to act as a pure Filipino, but his tendency is to act Chinese. It somehow trimmed down the way he sees himself.
The next area is our Self-Confidence; this is how we perceive our worth when it comes to our abilities. Our original state must be, “We are Promise!” But by the grace of God, we can heal and restore our wounded confidence, first is to believe and discover our God-given potentials, next is to master our fears by doing baby steps and lastly by stretching beyond our comfort zones. (Read: John 15:16)
Sometimes, we learn to doubt our capabilities because our authorities put us down for our mistakes, failures and imperfections. He also shared that he grew up being compared with his brothers. Even in school, he was being bullied and looked down by his teachers, but by the Grace of God, he blooms.
 Last area of our identity is our Self-Esteem, it is how we perceive our worth when it comes to our ability to love and be loved. Our original state must be, “We are Loved!” We must enjoy the love from people and we must make sure that we work on our love-ability.  (Read: Is. 43: 1,4) We are damaged because we are being abandoned, rejected, and loved with conditions.
He also shared a story about a Chinese mother who has a daughter, who always asks her if she loves her. The reason why the daughter is not secured with her mother’s love is because when she was young, her mom attempted to abort her thrice.
He concluded that Love is freely given. This must be the most important thing to work out for us to heal and restore our wounded identity. These are the ways to get healed, first is to trust in your Love-ability, next is to welcome opportunities to give and receive love and finally, we must experience unconditional and believe that, “I am Lovable!” We must shine as we are meant to be! We are a seed of love.
 “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles

The truth is:”If you don’t love yourself, you won’t love anyone else, including God.”- Fr. John Powell
Talk 3: Healing the Wounded Family by Fr. Larry Tan

Fr. Larry Tan started the talk by asking everyone to join in the singing of the song Welcome to the Family, after which he stressed out that family is the most important relationship we’ll ever have. According to him, we may be successful in our career, but failure in our family puts everything to waste. Sadly, such is the case involving many people today—experiencing dysfunctional families, divorce, separation, and such issues as sibling rivalry. It’s the work of Diablo which means divider to separate us from our family.

Fr. Tan said that families today are under attack, and many of the problems that people face now are family related. But, the good news is that whether we want our family to be heaven or hell, it is UP TO US.

He compared the family to the World Trade Center, which took years to build but only took minutes to bring down to Ground Zero. Similarly, a family takes years to build, yet it only takes one mistake to destroy it. This said, we all have to work hard for our family. We should not just let things happen, but we must make them happen. No more time for lip service, but to do an action. There is a lot of imperfection in our family, but love is a risk relationship.

We want a strong family. Every man, woman, and child wants a harmonious and happy family but our reality says a different way. There are many factors that influences and controls our lives such as peer, media, school, society, church, boss and nuns. We are complex people and we are a product of other people and family.

Fr. Tan enumerated the different blocks to a loving family: criticism, hostility, disrespect, control, suspicion, fighting, indifference, and selfishness. The good news is that there are also different helps to achieve a loving family, which he enumerated: praise, acceptance, forgiveness, giving, joy, listening, trust, and respect. He also mentioned one big secret for a loving family, which is loving and reaching out 100%.

He reminded everyone of the truth that the person we love most will likely be the one to hurt us the most. But, instead of choosing between the option to fight and to avoid, he said that the best option is forgiveness or forbearance. The root of hurt is a lack of love, and the secret to healing is to HEAL (Have Enormous Amount of Love). Whatever the hurt, fill it up with love. Fr. Tan said that we have the power, and it all depends on us. We can love one another and let love’s work… begin. (Read: Eph. 6:1-3)

Talk 4: Forgiveness by Ilsa Reyes

According to Ilsa Reyes, forgiveness is the key to healing. She said that what defiles is not what’s outside, but what’s inside. Then, she asked these questions to her audience: is your anger destroying your life? Is it robbing you of your peace and your joy? Are you letting it keep you from experiencing the life God intended you to have?

Ilsa said that nursing anger can have various effects. One, it can make the body sick.
(Read: Sirach 27: 30, 28:1) Unforgiveness can cause emotional distress, and medical studies show that it causes the production of inflammatory hormones that can harm organs. And what’s interesting–—the mere act of forgiveness relieves this. And two, nursing anger can destroy the soul. When we are angry, we can either let go of the anger or feed it and hold onto it forever. But, we have many reasons to forgive.

First, because God, in His great love and wisdom, asks us to. All of us have sinned, so we have no right to say that “I cannot forgive others because I am perfect.” (Read: Mat. 6: 14-15) When we build community, we must accept the weaknesses and differences, and recognize the woundedness, in others. God became God of our last resort, but later realize that we can ran to Him immediately. (Read: Sirach 28: 2-4,6) Second, because it is good everyone of us, for you and me—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. (Read: Heb. 13: 5-6) Forgiveness helps us embrace the truth that our source of self-worth is God. If we don’t forgive and let go of our anger, we’re saying that we’re powerless, and we therefore block the grace of God. Third, because it brings harmony to our relationships with other people. If we fail to forgive, the anger that we nurture will destroy our other relationships. Fourth, it is an opportunity to release the offender from bondage and bring him closer to God. When we forgive someone, the person who receives it can share it to others, and so we can bring so many closer to God. And fifth, so society can be more peaceful. When we forgive, we end the cycle of hatred.

Ilsa also mentioned some salient points about forgiveness. One, it is an act of the will—feelings may follow later. Two, it is divine. We need prayer, and we need God’s grace, in order to be able to forgive. Three, it is a process, so it takes time. We must let God be in the center of that process. Four, we need others’ help. We need competent and caring people, people that we trust. Five, if we can’t do it face to face, then maybe vicarious or even long distance. And six, we need to forgive God and ourselves too.

So how do we forgive? Ilsa shared this prayer: “By the love of the Father, in the name of Jesus, with the power of the Holy spirit, I forgive you (name of the person) for (reason).” She recommended praying the said prayer three times a day. It can also be used when asking for forgiveness.

According to Ilsa, a healing journal may help in the process of healing and forgiveness. And, we will know when we have already forgiven if we are able to think of the person without bitterness, resentment, and anger. We may not forget the experience, but we forget the pain.

Ilsa enumerated five dominant emotions in the forgiveness process. One is denial, a stage when we don’t admit that we are hurt. Two is anger, when we blame the other person for hurting and destroying us. Three is bargaining, when we set up conditions to be fulfilled before we’re ready to forgive. Four is depression, when we blame ourselves for letting hurt destroy us. And fifth is acceptance, when we already look forward to growth from our hurt.

She said that forgiving oneself is also crucial for healing. When we forgive ourselves, we must accept that we are vulnerable and allow ourselves to be humans. Forgiveness sets us free.

To end her talk, Ilsa led the reading of a passage telling of Jesus inviting us not to hold on to our anger.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Unflinching eyes

You slice the meat lengthwise, then a pour the flour on it. Then, fry it in 45 degree high. After frying it, place it on a plate and put the milky sauce, and leafy garnish to beautify your recipe. (blah.blah.blah.)

I was unmoved and my eyes were unflinching as I memorized the recipe that I'm going to cook for my daughter's birthday party. I recall how Mamita reprimanded me for not learning any single recipe and here she goes again. Hey, I know how to fry eggs and hotdogs, since my Queenie likes it. She told me that my husband, Bert came from a family of chef. I know I will never meet that standard. But atleast I'm trying. She stopped talking and cautiously looked at my new floral curtain, without sipping yet to the coffee that I prepared for her.

'Ok, so Queenie will turn 7 next month. What's your plan- catering or my son will cook for her eventhough he's busy?' Mamita sarcastically asked me.

'Ahhmm, I'm learning a new recipe now. I'm hoping to learn two other recipes.' My voice was a little shaking.

' Oh, that's good. Before you present that food, I want to taste it first and let's see what remedy  I can offer.'

I just nodded to her while holding my breath. She now glances at my stereo set, then on the red carpet and my figurines.

‘I’ll go in 5 minutes, I just want to know your plan for your daughter’s birthday.’

‘Yes, mamita!’

Finally, she sipped the coffee and said,

‘Haven’t Bert told you that I don’t like cappuccino?’ While her face turned like a bitter gourd.

‘No, mamita. He didn’t tell it to me yet.’

‘Next time know what I want also not just you only knows what you want.’

‘But mamita, I have my own family now. I can’t always know what you want.’

‘Diana, you’re not learning anything look at your place, it’s disorganized.’

I know it ever since, that she doesn’t want me for her son. If only I could say leave me, I will but I’m afraid that my husband will listen to her again as she made her own story. As she kept on staring around the corners of my house and thinking bad thoughts about me, I want to show her a mirror and look on how ugly she is inside. Will this make her stop?

‘Mamita, I think it’s already time. You can now leave.’

She left me without a blink of an eye. She carried with her Loius Vuitton leather bag.
Time saved me. But I know this never-ending battle who’s better-than-who won’t stop. It gives me another stress, and I almost forgot the recipe that I’m learning.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Loving you

One day, a beautiful lady talks to her 17 year old self. She knows that it lives in her and she sees how beautiful and smart she is, but sometimes her weakness creeps in. Oftentimes she’ll fall in love with wrong guys, recklessly complain to her parents, and be disappointed with the result of her studies. That causes that 17 year old girl to cry, doubt and fear for her future.
“Life is uncertain. People come and go and worst they can hurt you.” I remember hearing her before.
Then I told her, “I know you’re hurt, but it doesn’t mean that life is ugly.”
“I don’t know, but I fail to see it now. I’m sorry; I’m so hurt after finding out that the guy I love doesn’t love me back.
“I know that he’s the reason why you feel that way, but you have to let him go for there is bright future for you. You’ll be amazed when God turns your dreams according to His plan for you.”

She didn’t listen instead she cried and covered her face.

This 17 year old girl plays hard to attain peace in her heart, so as she turns 18 until 23, she knows a lot of games but in the end losing the good fight.

After 7 years of a wrestling with her emotions- she cried again to her 24 year old self and said, “Now is your turn, take over me please. Guide me to obey His will. I’m now letting go that sad young lady in me. I want you because you look so loving, kind and graceful. You’re unaware of it, but I love you as who you are. I love to be with you. I’m astonished to the people surrounding you. Yes, I forgot to say it, but I love you the first time we talked. I just didn’t have the courage to listen and obey you. I’m busy with my pains. Forgive me, then.”

I answered, “At that time, I see how beautiful you’ll become someday. I know you’ll follow my steps because I see your determined heart. I understand how you fail and falter and I didn’t condemn you on that. I love you because I’m your future you.”

Then the beautiful lady embraces the young girl in her, brush her hair, looks in her sparkling eyes and both praise the wondrous name of God.

On elegance

I did this while listening to Sara Bareilles' songs- woot! squeezing again my creative juices.:)

Monday, November 7, 2011


'Is it rainy outside?' I ask myself and would calmly look outside gate. I'm glad for I won't open my umbrella. So as I am readying myself to go outside, I feel the sunlight's strike on my skin. "Where's my umbrella?" I worriedly asked myself. I'm walking while I search for it in the deepest part of my bag. Voila! There it is.

I'm not used to going out without my umbrella. It's my shield against the sunlight or rain. I could also use it if someone intentionally do bad things to me. I have to get ready when to use it. I can relate it with my spiritual life. I'm reminded by these bible verses:

Psalm 27:1-3 -Jesus is the defense of our lives
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 - Temptation
Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Celebrating my 24th birthday

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

It doesn't have to be a grandious party to be happy on your birthday. Like mine, I woke up with feeling good and blessed for another year of my life. I was actually excited for this birthday (well, I'm like this eversince though.) I actually prayed intensely to the Lord, Thanking Him and offering this day to Him. Because He loves me, He gave what I pray for- to have a simple celebration with people who are close to my heart. I'll use this month to make it happen. I received messages from Facebook, read birthday posts, cheerful greetings from my officemate. Even the store manager in Mini stop knew my birthday, yes after divulging it to her..hehe.. My sister, Pao cooked carbonara and cheesesticks for me and my officemates.

Here are some of the gifts and letters I received:

3 choconuts (accdg. to the 1 who gave this, it means: I LOVE YOU.:)
Skyflakes chocolate, blue feathered earrings (which I got from a blue angry bird)
 and my favorite: BOOK

A dose of reminder again!

Uhnie's note

Love's message

Kam's message

Pau's message

Mari's message

Chloe's message

Lani's bday cake..yum! yum!

This the real choco cake! hehe

Team Radicaux

TC Joy, Genina and Jho

There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.- Stacie Orrico's song, More to life

Note: It's fun to initiate in asking your friends about their birthday wish for you. And I did. I'll never regret that I did. I love their answers. May all the dreams that God has for me happen in HIS time.:)