Loving you

One day, a beautiful lady talks to her 17 year old self. She knows that it lives in her and she sees how beautiful and smart she is, but sometimes her weakness creeps in. Oftentimes she’ll fall in love with wrong guys, recklessly complain to her parents, and be disappointed with the result of her studies. That causes that 17 year old girl to cry, doubt and fear for her future.

“Life is uncertain. People come and go and worst they can hurt you.” I remember hearing her before.

Then I told her, “I know you’re hurt, but it doesn’t mean that life is ugly.”

“I don’t know, but I fail to see it now. I’m sorry; I’m so hurt after finding out that the guy I love doesn’t love me back.

“I know that he’s the reason why you feel that way, but you have to let him go for there is bright future for you. You’ll be amazed when God turns your dreams according to His plan for you.”

She didn’t listen instead she cried and covered her face.

This 17 year old girl plays hard to attain peace in her heart, so as she turns 18 until 23, she knows a lot of games but in the end losing the good fight.

After 7 years of a wrestling with her emotions- she cried again to her 24 year old self and said, “Now is your turn, take over me please. Guide me to obey His will. I’m now letting go that sad young lady in me. I want you because you look so loving, kind and graceful. You’re unaware of it, but I love you as who you are. I love to be with you. I’m astonished to the people surrounding you. Yes, I forgot to say it, but I love you the first time we talked. I just didn’t have the courage to listen and obey you. I’m busy with my pains. Forgive me, then.”

I answered, “At that time, I see how beautiful you’ll become someday. I know you’ll follow my steps because I see your determined heart. I understand how you fail and falter and I didn’t condemn you on that. I love you because I’m your future you.”

Then the beautiful lady embraces the young girl in her, brush her hair, looks in her sparkling eyes and both praise the wondrous name of God.

On elegance

I did this while listening to Sara Bareilles' songs- woot! squeezing again my creative juices.:)

Umbrella

'Is it rainy outside?' I ask myself and would calmly look outside gate. I'm glad for I won't open my umbrella. So as I am readying myself to go outside, I feel the sunlight's strike on my skin. "Where's my umbrella?" I worriedly asked myself. I'm walking while I search for it in the deepest part of my bag. Voila! There it is.

I'm not used to going out without my umbrella. It's my shield against the sunlight or rain. I could also use it if someone intentionally do bad things to me. I have to get ready when to use it. I can relate it with my spiritual life. I'm reminded by these bible verses:

Psalm 27:1-3 -Jesus is the defense of our lives
The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh, My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. Though a host encamp against me, My heart will not fear; Though war arise against me, In spite of this I shall be confident.

1 Corinthians 10:12-13 - Temptation
Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

Celebrating my 24th birthday

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24


It doesn't have to be a grandious party to be happy on your birthday. Like mine, I woke up with feeling good and blessed for another year of my life. I was actually excited for this birthday (well, I'm like this eversince though.) I actually prayed intensely to the Lord, Thanking Him and offering this day to Him. Because He loves me, He gave what I pray for- to have a simple celebration with people who are close to my heart. I'll use this month to make it happen. I received messages from Facebook, read birthday posts, cheerful greetings from my officemate. Even the store manager in Mini stop knew my birthday, yes after divulging it to her..hehe.. My sister, Pao cooked carbonara and cheesesticks for me and my officemates.


Here are some of the gifts and letters I received:

3 choconuts (accdg. to the 1 who gave this, it means: I LOVE YOU.:)

Skyflakes chocolate, blue feathered earrings (which I got from a blue angry bird)

 and my favorite: BOOK

A dose of reminder again!

Uhnie's note

Love's message

Kam's message

Pau's message

Mari's message

Chloe's message

Lani's bday cake..yum! yum!

This the real choco cake! hehe

Team Radicaux

TC Joy, Genina and Jho

There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.- Stacie Orrico's song, More to life

Note: It's fun to initiate in asking your friends about their birthday wish for you. And I did. I'll never regret that I did. I love their answers. May all the dreams that God has for me happen in HIS time.:)

Unaccomplished

Crash! blag! rolling wheels, flashes of random memories, broken windows, screams outside, blood splurging, worst thing- death.

I died in a car crash, my driver's speed was 180kph. The moment I remember was I was outside my body. I saw my parents and friends screaming and coming to me as my body lied down on the ground. They embraced me, but I was embracing them and telling them, "I'm still here! Can you hear and feel me?" But they continued wailing. They said, "Why did you leave us? Hold on, please!" Those words smacked me down- how dare them say those words-when I can still see them? Their movement became blurred. I can sense myself losing control. Am I dreaming? I felt again, the pain especially when the broken window hit my head and my face- but now it's vanishing, I'm lost. I can see the tunnel, is this where the souls taken, especially when they die. Oh, I'm dead now. I don't want to enter it yet- still unaccomplished. I'll stay here. I'll stay until I'm ready to let go. Until, they're ready to let me go.

What the souls need are prayers. Prayers that can lead them into a peaceful paradise. Prayers that can unbind their chains into their earthly attachments. Let's pause for a moment and say a prayer or light a candle for the souls of our departed loved ones.

Aisle Take the Chance

Lizzie's eyes shine as she saw the bride walking on the aisle. She's coordinating a wedding from an unknown client. She had a sleepless night as she planned everything to make the wedding memorable, thinking of complimenting flowers on the aisle up to her wonderful gown. The glitz on Lizzie's eyes was captured by a man beside her. Andrew, who saw how she worked hard for this glamorous event, is amazed by her diligence. He picked a flower, looked at Lizzie's smiling face and asked her, "Do you want to have that kind of wedding, too?" She uttered, "Yes, of course."

Andrew finally got the courage to ask her that question and Lizzie looked at the aisle again. Andrew took a photo of her and he said to himself, "Tonight is his night." He'll take the chance into asking her for a dinner and tell her what he'd been keeping for so long.

Lizzie went upstairs to check the whole scene downstairs. She secretly looks at the flower that Andrew gave her. She'd wanted to get it also from him 7 years ago. But he never did. The years in between made her busy into her business and social gatherings. Never did she enter into any flings. She asks herself blushingly, "Is this the perfect time?"

A click from a distant took a moment again-captured were her dreams surrounding the church's stunning look.

Awakening

I went home late at night, then suddenly I saw him outside our house. Just standing and looking from afar. He’s quiet. When he saw me, he faced me and I saw his eyes of regret. I just looked at him. There was a control to neither embrace him nor hold him. There was a distance; the air of stiffness to both of us surrounded us. I stared at him, read, and observed him. I was not thinking of myself but of him. I took my place into his. And it’s hard. I can’t believe how hard it is especially when he told me, “I’m dying soon, Kamile. I got this disease unexpectedly when I slept with another man last year. I didn’t know that he acquired AIDS before.” I wanted to scream into his face but instead, I went with him to see a doctor. “How could this man who inspired me got that illness?” I asked myself. He was just even busy in feeding kids, teaching them passionately and I didn’t know his untold story.

 Does knowing he’ll die soon make me apathetic?

Then he cried in front of me. I went closely as he was repressing his tears. He runaway swiftly then the darkness covered the street until I heard his deep wail. A wail that awakens my senses.