Thursday, June 2, 2011

Journey To The Past

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turnback
Now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this the past

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams
Just can't be wrong
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, starting here, my life begins
Starting now, I'm learning fast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this the past

Heart don't fail me now!
Courage don't desert me!

Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time
One hope, then another
Who knows where
This road may go-
Back to who i was
On to find my future
Things my heartstill
Needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let, this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...
At last!
At Last!

This may seem backward. But ironically as it may seem people look at their pasts-whether ugly or beautiful one. Everyone has his/her shared story of her past. We journey backward, yet we returned at the present moment with a WONDERFUL LESSON OF YESTERDAY’S OLD SCARS.
If people would ask how my past was. I’ll tell you that it was colorful. I had a bank of stories in my mind when I was a kid. I was a combination of an active and obedient student-ask my mom about it. Haha.. Of course, I was just a normal tall kid who played with neighbors and classmates, who was scolded by my parents-btw, I’m a product of a broken family so I lived with my mom,younger sister, 2 aunts and I had a puppy crushes too. I was very close with my aunt because my mom was very close with my younger sister. But as I can see now, it doesn’t bother me much knowing in my heart that everything has a purpose. (To my fellow readers, don’t worry I won’t overshare because I’m still feeling the need to share it privately.) I met the Lord through my grandfather who kept on reminding me to thank the Lord before and after the meal; before leaving the house; for his blessings in the family and through going to the mass. His words were sometimes kind, yet sometimes fearful. Yes, he came from an Armed Forces of the Philippines. He was such a tough man who became soft because of my lola’s kindness. I awe him some of my principles and faith. He was my Father-figure, because my father left us when I was innocently 6 years old. He was a man of discipline, of action and of rules. Yet, he can’t help to use his “yantok” to discipline us. It was the pain from my childhood. When I was a kid, I’d either felt thankful and fearful of him. He would sometimes challenge me if I was really bright in the class or not and I proved him that I was. And that’s how I trust more the LORD TODAY to heal my heart from all the pains that he brought me and my family. And I will confess that there were moments in my journey to my faith that I saw the Lord as kind yet sometimes cruel. That’s why I believe in the saying be careful with your words and actions for it may make or break you.
Anyway, he may be with the Lord now. I’m praying for his soul along with my lola. He still linger in my memories. He still stays in my heart. And in the moment I could meet him again in heaven, I’ll tell him: I love you. Thank you. Forgive me.
He died, after fulfilling his dreams to have a house in Bicol. He was too far from us but not with my aunt. He left us hanging and confuse of what will life awaits us. Yes, our finances came from his pension. He left me working hard for my mom and my sister. He left without sending notices. He left us crazy.
And in the very same place where he left us, I found a home in my Divine Father’s arms. He gently asked me not to bore hatred but to understand the situation. I wrote in my journals that I should be flexible and adjustable with the situation. I obeyed him. But mind you there were times that I failed to do so. He blessed me with faith in myself, family and work. Now, I’m working as a Video English teacher for Koreans. I experienced moving from one place to another thrice in a year, but in the kindness of the Lord, I can pay now our rent.
I’m maintaining my friendship with my old and new friends. I’m learning to prioritize things. I’m just a normal woman with dreams and talents. I’m also at times acting on impulse and craziness. I am who I am because of the learning that I lock in my heart and with God's mercy using His people. No more questions of, "What if lolo is still alive, how would our life w be?"
In relation to this, when I was 10 years old, this song Journey to the past became my favorite. I was a fan of Leah Salonga and the late-Aaliyah. I kept on singing this with my cassette tape and radio. It has a melody and lyrics that made me realize how journey can be tough, yet exciting. I had always dream of singing this with a big audience- BIG DREAMS ARE ALWAYS GREAT!=))
Looking at life as a whole and as a detailed one can make us think that LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL AND MASTERPIECE. LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT YET A BYPRODUCT OF YOUR PAST LEARNINGS-as the saying goes and as I edit it.

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